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Law School Directory:

 TEN BEST LAW SCHOOLS


U.S. News & World Report recently released its annual law school rankings, with the standard smug self-congratulations or complaints issuing from the law schools that had either inched up or fallen in the listings. The magazine's system retains a fig leaf of objectivity, relying as it does on all sorts of numerical criteria (selectivity, undergraduate GPA's of the students, faculty-student ratio) for the results.

But as always, the biggest factor for U.S. News is each law school's  reputation among lawyers and academics -- a self-perpetuating pile of hooey, since for one thing, a vastly disproportionate number of the academics attended just a few, so-called "elite" institutions. As a consequence, the usual East Coast Law School suspects are all crowded at the top,  interrupted by the occasional Californian or Midwestern intruder.

The truth? Law School rankings are useless. They further entrench existing biases. They create the ridiculous misimpression that a law school that's number sixteen in the rankings might actually be "better" than the law school that weighs in at number eighteen (even though they may well switch places next year). And they give students and alumni one more unnecessary chance to ponder their precise place in the law school pecking order, as if a neurotic second-year at Northwestern really needs an ulcer over whether his school (currently number twelve, for those of you who must know) will crack the top ten next year.

 
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Law School Directory:


 TEN BEST LAW SCHOOLS


The rankings are founded on a ridiculously narrow idea of what a "good" law school is. In all honesty, what really determines which institution you choose as a place of study for three years and an alma mater for the rest of your life? I'm not sure I can name all the factors, but I know this: the number of books in the law library (factored in by the U.S. News ranking) did not help me decide whether to check the "accept" box. How many books can you read in law school, for crying out loud? In fact, how many law-related books do you want to read? Four? Two?

So I ask: What about the things we really care about? What about the attractiveness of our future classmates? What about beach front property? What about sex? People, it's time for a different ranking. So here's my own list of the Top Ten law schools. It's arbitrary. Its capricious. And its a lot more accurate and useful than anything you're going to find in print.

University of Colorado at Boulder. Are you kidding me? The campus is less than two hours from Keystone, Breckenridge and Copper Mountain. Vail's only 30 minutes farther. We're talking some of the finest skiing in North America. Plus, you've got hiking and mountain biking in the fall and spring, and the finest microbreweries in the country. (If you've never had Fat Tire Ale, don't whine to me about why NYU isn't in my Top Ten.) And even if you move away after graduating -- but why would you do that? -- you're sure to have friends who stick around. What's that mean? Four words: free ski condo forever.

University of Miami, Florida. If Boulder has your skiing covered, this is the place to get your sun. Heck, the two schools should have an exchange program. The Miami campus is only minutes from South Beach: white sand, turquoise waters, pastel-hued art deco hotels -- and don't forget the jaw-dropping babes in stamp-size swimsuits and the young Adonises with abs of tungsten. I'm not saying that all the students at Miami are Eurotrash wannabes with deep tans who sit around sipping $15 cocktails while the ocean breeze plays with their perfect hair. But if they're not, that's their fault.

 

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